Hey guys!  Drew Koscelek here!  It's time for our weekly edition of Monday Night Raw Recap!  I'm gonna be up front and honest here:  I'm tired and hungry, and probably will get drunk during this.  Hey...11-hour shifts in tech support will do that to you, right?

Let's get started!  We're live, starting NOW!  It's gonna be a Raw Deal format tonight.  Snarky comments and insight.  No play-by-play.

  • Just in case you forgot what happened last week, we'll tell you.  Ryback chose a Last Man Standing match for Extreme Rules, vs. John Cena.
  • Also, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman destroyed Triple H's lame office.  Seriously, my office is better than his, and it's a cubicle.
  • We're in Tulsa, Okla., tonight.  Jerry Lawler is in the ring.  There's hardwood flooring in the ring.  Oh no...
  • I totally forgot about Chris Jericho vs. Fandango in a dance-off.
  • Fandango and Summer Rae come out to the ring.  Fandango's outfit is way more sparkly than I was expecting.  Reminds me of the kind of shirt Chris Jericho used to wear........
  • Jericho comes out with Edyta Sliwinska, one of the girls from Dancing with the Stars. 
  • I'm thrilled I sped home from work to cover this segment first.
  • 90-second dance routine, scored by the audience.  Not a popularity contest, per Jerry.  Yeah right.  This is wrestling.  It's all popularity.
  • Jericho loses points for poor grammar.  "This is Welcome to Raw is Jericho?"  F!
  • Wouldn't it be funny if Jericho did the Cha-Cha to Fozzy?  No, probably not.  But I'd laugh.
  • Fandango strikes a pose, and doesn't dance.  The fans are not amused.  Good heat.
  • They try again.  They do two moves, then Summer Rae "falls" and twists her ankle.  Fandango is not amused.  Edyta checks on her to make sure she's ok.  The crowd boos.  Fandango starts to walk away, then darts in and attacks Jericho.  They fight outside.  Fandango owns this beatdown.  He even grabs a chunk of the dance floor and attacks Jericho with it.
  • Fandango gets back in the ring.  Summer Rae is fine!  She was in on it the entire time.  Awesome!  I'm glad they're bringing her in as a heel.  Otherwise, a terrible segment.
  • Later tonight, we have a 6-man Tag Team Elimination Match - Kane & Daniel Bryan & John Cena vs. The Shield.  This could be either really fun, or it could be John Cena's chance to squash The Shield.
  • I'm voting for the squash.
  • Zack Ryder is in the ring right now.  He's awaiting his opponent, Ryback.
  • Guess who wins this one?
  • OMG ALBERTO DEL RIO IS GIVING AN INTERVIEW ON THE WWE APP RIGHT NOW GUYZ.  WHICH ONE DO I WATCH?  THE PREDICTABLE SQUASH OR THE BORING INTERVIEW?
  • Ryback wins.
  • I'm all for squash matches, but bring back the local enhancement talent to do it.
  • Remember when last year, Brock Lesnar destroyed Triple H?
  • It's sad to think that in over a year, Lesnar has feuded with two men.  Two.  You'd think they'd spread him around a bit more, no?
  • We are back in the ring.  Tons of Funk are dancing.  It's 35 minutes in and all we've really seen is dancing.  Good.  They're facing the Primetime Players.
  • Surprisingly, the Primetime Players got the rollup pin here!  Oh wait, Darren Young used his hair pick as a weapon.  That's okay.  They need the win.
  • We get a quick recap discussing Dolph Ziggler's concussion.  I hadn't seen the kick yet, but ouch!
  • It looks like Dolph Ziggler is not medically cleared for Extreme Rules.  Disappointed, but it's the right thing to do.
  • Fingers crossed they don't do something stupid with the title.
  • Teddy Long does something stupid with the title.
  • Well, not yet, anyhow.  Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter interrupt.  They want Teddy to do something stupid with the title.
  • AJ says "Swags" should be fired.
  • Okay, Dolph won't be stripped of the title.  Good stuff.
  • Teddy changed it to a #1 contender's I Quit match between Swagger and Del Rio.
  • Also, Big E. Langston will be in a match, but he doesn't know who.  BUT IF YOU HURRY AND DOWNLOAD THE WWE APP YOU CAN VOTE.
  • Hey guys, did you download the WWE App yet?
  • Kofi Kingston is defending the US Title against Dean Ambrose at Extreme Rules.  Interesting... I believe the belt acquisition of The Shield has begun.
  • Damien Sandow is facing Kofi Kingston.  Sandow is a brilliant talker.
  • This is about what you would expect from these two.  Hey, it's not dancing!
  • Kofi gets the win with Trouble in Paradise.  No surprise there.  Hold that belt tight, Kofi.  It belongs to The Shield now...
  • Mark Henry interviews with Josh Mathews about his Strap Match against Sheamus this weekend.  They show how awesomely strong Henry is.
  • Henry makes Mathews put the strap on. 
  • Get your mind out of the gutter, perv.
  • Mark Henry makes a valid argument against Sheamus.  Sheamus has been giving Henry cheap shots for weeks, but he's scared of Henry with a strap.
  • Oh!  He's got a strap of his own!  How cute.  Sheamus is the winner.
  • We're back from commercial.  Antonio Cesaro is in the ring.  I was hoping for a promo.  No luck, but he didn't yodel either.
  • He's facing Randy Orton.  Please refer to my article, WWE is not utilizing their future by jobbing everyone to the stars.
  • Did you download the app yet?  Download the app.
  • This match is about what you'd expect, which is to say Cesaro wrestles a pretty good match, Randy Orton hits an impossibly impossible RKO, and gets the win.
  • Back from commercial, and 3MB is air-guitaring to their greatest hit.  Looks like Heath Slater is facing The Miz.  Welcome back, Mizzy.
  • Miz doesn't appear to have made any changes to his character during his time away.  He hasn't had the mic yet, but one can only hope that if he's going to be a face, he actually acts like one.
  • Slater hopefully just kicked some sense into Miz.
  • Did you download the app yet?  It's the new way to watch television!
  • That's what they said about 3-D glasses.
  • Miz locks in a Figure Four, because his finisher makes him a good guy.  He gets the win. 
  • It's time for the six-man tag team elimination match.  I'm looking forward to this for multiple reasons:  I love Elimination matches.  I love The Shield.  I love Daniel Bryan.  And hey, Kane's pretty good, too.
  • Tag Team Tornado match official for Extreme Rules.  Shield vs. Team Hell No for the titles.
  • Looks like this match is going for the long haul.  Cena and Rollins as we cut to break, but if you DOWNLOAD THE APP you can continue watching and ignore commercials!
  • Ambrose is in a surfboard as we come back to break.  You think they saved that for after the commercial?  Yes.  Yes they did.
  • Hey guys, if you're watching The App, you can watch Ryback watching the match.
  • What makes Dean Ambrose stand out?  It's all the little things.  The facial expressions.  The way he moves in the ring.  The way he lurks, taunts, and just looks.  He's not just fighting when he's in that ring.  He becomes something much more.  It's really quite amazing to watch, and he makes me believe that that's who he is in real life.
  • Kane DQs himself from the match because he can't resist destroying everything.  Well done, big man.
  • Watching Daniel Bryan and Seth Rollins go at it... did you guys ever think that would happen in a WWE ring?  I sure didn't. 
  • I love watching the fans when they really enjoy the match, and this is a great match so far.
  • Ambrose takes out Daniel Bryan with his devastating bulldog DDT.  It's Cena vs. all three in The Shield.
  • I fully expect him to defeat all three of them.
  • Cena knocks out Seth Rollins.  It has begun.
  • Reigns spears Cena and gets DQ'd by the ref.  Lame.
  • It's Ambrose and Cena.
  • STF on Ambrose, but Rollins and Reigns break it up and attack.  DQ for Ambrose.  Cena wins.
  • Well, they protected MOST of The Shield... mostly.  Triple Powerbomb to Cena to end it.
  • Ok... I'll concede:  They need to protect the WWE Champion, so of course Cena doesn't lose clean.  Makes sense.  And they protected The Shield, mostly.  So... everyone wins?  Regardless, a very good match.
  • Ryback is hungry for the scraps and comes down.  He fakes leaving.  Then he hits a chair on Cena's bum foot. 
  • This "Ryback Rules" catchphrase?  Not doing it for me.
  • Thanks to the power of the WWE App, Jack Swagger will face Big E Langston.  Hooray!
  • This match is slow and plodding so far.  You can continue the slow and plodding match on the WWE App.
  • The match starts picking up after the break, but I'm still not really interested.
  • Cheap finish.  Swagger wins via countout.  The guy that's trying to win a #1 contendership doesn't even get a pin?
  • Del Rio and Ricardo run in to try to save this train wreck.  Swagger dispensing concussions.
  • Del Rio clears the ring.  By WWE rules, Swagger wins this weekend.
  • There's a lull that's taking over the crowd.  I'm not sure if it's exhaustion after nearly three hours of a lackluster show, or they're just apathetic to the World Title picture now.  Probably both.
  • After the break, Natalya is in the ring, to wrestle.  Yes, Natalya is wrestling.  I'm just as shocked as you are.
  • The Bella Twins and Kaitlyn flank the announcer's table.  Hornswoggle and Khali are ringside too.
  • Natalya is facing AJ, who doesn't really seem to be interested in wrestling, and skips around instead.
  • Kaitlyn gets some gifts from her secret admirer while the match takes place.
  • For the love of god, PIN HER NATALYA.
  • Okay, to her credit, AJ whips out this crazy Tarantula-like submission.  Nattie taps out.  Winner:  AJ Lee.
  • Poor Nattie.
  • Jericho decides he's done goofing around with Fandango now.  Well, okay.  It's about time.  It would've been nice to get that intensity, you know, eight weeks ago.
  • Triple H comes out for his little meeting with Brock Lesnar.  This should be interesting. 
  • I'm calling it now: lots of staring.
  • Why the cage for a stare-down?
  • Trips says he grew up in the ring, learned to be a man in the ring.  He wants Brock to come down and blah blah.
  • Lesnar and Paul Heyman head out.  Heyman educated Trips about how they've driven him to use the word Hate.
  • Heyman cuts a clever promo that uses the word Hate in a bunch of different situations.  He then denies Triple H his little fight.
  • Triple H cuts a typical Triple H promo.  I kind of tuned a good chunk of it out.
  • Oh!  He calls Brock Lesnar a bitch!  That convinces him to come down to the ring!
  • Brock sells stepping into the ring for what seems like an eternity.  They stare each other down.  AND THEY FIGHT!  CAT FIGHT!
  • Lesnar hits Trips with a NICE suplex out of nowhere, but of course, Triple H is barely phased.  He tosses Brock through the cage door, taking out Heyman in the process.
  • Brock picks up Heyman, and the two tuck tail and leave as the show comes to an end.

Well, that was fun.  I'm not too terribly interested in Wrestlemania Lite/Extreme Rules.  All the big matches?  We've seen most of 'em.  The undercard has some potential.  Any match that has anyone from The Shield in it should be pretty fantastic.

Personally?  I'd say keep the $50.  Of course, the choice is ultimately yours.

Thanks for following along with me tonight folks.  Don't forget to Like us on Facebook or Follow us on Twitter for the latest updates!